Laqueer: ‘Young Adult Only Child Coming Out Questions’

I’m a 28 year old only child who moved back in with my parents. I’ve always had a good relationship with them but I never told them I was gay. Lately, my mom keeps asking me why I never introduce her to any girls and why I don’t express any interest when she tries to fix me up. She even got angry with me at one point because I keep refusing to talk about it. I’m not really ready to come out to her but I can’t stand lying to her either. That’s why I just try to avoid the topic altogether. I just get impatient and leave the room. Moving out is not an option for me at this point but I can’t see myself being in this position for very long.

At this point, she thinks that I’m too scared, shy, or a virgin. Unfortunately, I can’t tell her why she is wrong. It’s so frustrating. The weird thing is I almost came out to my mom when i was 17 but broke down crying. Since then, it’s just gotten much harder to have that conversation.

I never intended to keep this from my parents for this long, but had no idea that I would still need their help at my age. I’m scared of what will happen if I do tell my parents and it does not go well. I honestly have no idea how they will respond. I currently go to school and work a few part time jobs but it’s really tough for me having already switched careers.

What do I do? I do have a support system but not too many close friends. I’ve never had a long term boyfriend. Most of my friends don’t know that I’m closeted and I am scared that one day my parents and I will run into someone I know and I won’t know how to deal with it.

My advice is to understand what your parents reactions will be before you tell them.

Some parents think that homosexuality is akin to devil worship and they will cast you out. Some are completely OK aith it and most lie somewhere in between.

If you depend on your parents for financial or emotional support and you think that they may respond negatively, it is often safer to avoid the confrontation until you are independent.

You will know what your parents views are better than we, and you will also know what your parents are expecting from you and the levels of disappointment or social shame they may have to experience within their own circle.

Telling them you are gay may get them off your back as far as too shy for girls goes, but it might get a lot of unwanted attention about becoming “not gay”.