Hi, i just need some advice about what to do in my life.
I finished my High School too early (16 to 17yo) and me and my family was with some money problems. So, i did a college course that i didn’t want to so much. Was what i could do in that moment. Besides, a “so so” college is better than being without one.
Was a great college, prestigious, federal. Here in Brazil, public (especially federal) colleges (and only colleges) is better than particular ones. I’m kind of a geek so i didn’t have problems to get in. Again, was what i could do here in my city.
I finished in the end of December. And our “financial status” is fine so i decided to make another college with the support of my parents.
Again, i studied hard and get in in a great one. One of the bests of Brazil… the only problem is that it’s in the capital of my State (~1h and half of my home – my city it’s next to it). Second, I received a nice scholarship of a particular college in my city. 100% of discount, I don’t have to pay anything. Here comes the problem… My family don’t know about me. I’m straight for them and my parents are not fine with gay things.
The costs of transport for State’s capital is expensive than living there. My parents are fine to pay my stay. And if I did the particular one, i have to stay here in their house.
However, i don’t wanna be in the closet anymore! I had a couple of boyfriends who didn’t get right for hiding. I know “I would be in another city” but, i’m afraid of if they discover that i’m gay and stop supporting me, and I have to quit college (the one who i really want to do) and do I don’t know what to pay a place to live and food.
So. I confused. What i do? Keeping holding on here, doing the college and moving out them. Going to live in another city, being “discrete” and praying for they don’t discover the truth?
It’s 90% of change that my old brother share a apartment with me. So, there’s no place to hide sexuality.
Sorry for the long post. Some advice?
Cannot tell you what’s right or wrong, I can just tell you what i did which may or may not be the best thing for you. I found myself in a similar situation where I was closeted the full deal but wanted to experience life as a gay guy away from the chains of family. Instead of going away from my town, I left my country altogether with the financial support of my parents. I did experience life but only partly the gay one because I felt obligated to respect the choice I made. I was using parental fund so I didn’t go around town partying and slutting my way through. I focused on the studying part so that I’d ace the course in the shortest amount of time and make my parents proud. In a way, it kept me away from troubles and also from lots of naughty fun I could have had, but I have a clear conscious on that front. Now, I’m done with those courses, I earn my money and I can live my life the way I want.
As I said, not really sure it’s the best course of action and I tend to be a very cold person emotionally which is why I think it worked out for me. Hope this helped if only a bit.
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