I just wanted to share my experience in coming out to my mom. When I was 20 years old and it went as I predicted it would be. I am still struggling in this situation after a year have pass. My mom and I were just on the phone not too long ago and I felt helpless again because I do not wish to place any more unnecessary weight on her. I decided to lie and lie again saying that I am willing to change but my life style never did and I am just doing it behind her back by lying about where I am going and what I am doing. However my mom have always play the trust card on the table and wish for me to tell her the truth but I just can’t seem to do it.
It just happen one day out of the blue, where my mom just started asking questions about who is this boy that I kept on seeing lately. My mom have ask questions that are up right personal to the point where she would ask if I had sex with him. So in that moment I decided to tell her the truth about my relationship with my boy friend, and told her that I am gay and is currently having a relationship with him.
After I told her the truth about this boy that I was seeing, she begin to try and reason with me that being gay is not acceptable to God, it will make you have a higher chance of getting a serious disease. I guess she was just trying to say that here are the factors of what being gay will do to a person. Please do not step into that pool. As human I took that very personally but still acted in a reasonable way of telling her that, these are just stereotype that people place on us and protection is the key. Also I have try reasoning that God made us this way, is to use us as an example to other. However those reasoning just did not cut it since both of our stand point are still very strong. One side is a gay person can be cure with dedication and reliance for God. The other side is that I can not change the way I feel about guys. So for argument sake, it was not the best back up reasoning since argument was never my strong suit. So after a cool down period we have both agree on finding help in talking about this situation.
The reasoning behind me agreeing to finding help was because my mom was still recovering from her recent divorce that happen a year ago. So in order for me to not create any more tension and stress for her I have agree to find help and go her way. The next step I took was to call it off with my current boyfriend at the moment due to my first property of family. Since I know that I would not be able to handle both my boy friend and my family at the same time due to stress and everything else that carry in it because I am not yet ready to deal with both of them at the same time. I know I have been selfish but to me that was the right call to make.
Then in this one year my mom and I just never really touch this topic until recently. But we did talk a few more times in between to have an open channel of communication. However my mom still never took the position that it might not be possible for a gay person to be straight. Or being gay is ok.
Today after my phone call with my mom, we have step into the topic again because I have been lying to her to go to gay bar and hang out with my gay friends. In this phone call I never told her that I was still hanging out with my gay friends but I was doing something else other than being comfortable about myself. Instead I told my mom that I have been trying to stay away from the gays because you ask me to (In this one year I did try to avoid the gay screen for half a year). Then I explain to my mom some of my issues of hiding being gay, I feel that I was not able to make any good connection to my friends because I need to consistently close my emotion off to avoid a slight of the mouth and it has been hard. Then my mom just told me that it is a process that I will get over, once I have become straight. At this point on I saw no improvement or middle ground being built between us.
So I am here to ask for advise and your honest opinion. Also some supportive comment would be nice.
Thank You for reading.
If you guys want I can post another post about what my boyfriend and I did at the time. He is my ex now.
It’s always hard to be burdened with such thing. i wont tell you how great being gay is and that stuff but you gotta aim your affords where it would benefit you. i think you are wasting time here by lying to her and making her feel that you are willing to change. are you willing to change? are you open to the idea of trying conversion therapy? if yes then have an open mind and give it a try with no expectations and a strong will. if not then i think you should channel your energy into letting her see herself that you are gay and that she should support you as much as you are supporting her cause if you don’t believe in change and feed her that it would only increase her stamina and convince her that if she pushed you a bit further she could degay you, always it’s just this final bigger push.
make her see the movies the guys recommend (Prayers For Bobby is a very touching movie) get her some books that deals with parents accepting the sexual orientation of their children. and if any of your friends had came out to their parents, arrange a meeting between them. let them talk and relate. she’d always find solidarity and comfort when she can relate to someone with the same situation.
and lastly reconsider what you did with your boyfriend. i dont know the issues you mentioned earlier but think about it again. was it a part of his personality or was he just acting out as a reaction of you ending your relationship for not having a time for him. make the decision that you wont regret later.
and remember we are all here for you.
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