I’m not really sure if I should be making this thread, if someone has to solve my stupid “problems” that must be me. And right now I don’t know what’s the problem or more like if there really is one. So, it’s possible that you’d want to skip this next part if you don’t want to waste your time with my confused thoughts about coming out.. I have the bad habit of overthinking simple things :/
So, first maybe I should say that I’ve known that I’m gay for a very long time – maybe since I was 8 or 9 or something, but finally accepted myself as one (came out to myself) almost a year ago – before that there were thoughts that I’m a sinner, there’s something wrong with me, etc, etc (Now that I wrote that it sounds ridiculous.. but I guess this is not uncommon, sadly). And I hate myself for taking me so much time.
Anyway, I want to tell some of my best friends that I’m gay and I’m trying to do so from quite some time now, but there’s always something that is stopping me – most of the time I find stupid excuses and just say to myself “well, maybe next time”. I’m not sure exactly why I want them to know, I just feel like they should and hiding this or lying to them is something I’m not comfortable with.
And here comes the weird part (well, at least weird for me) – I’ve already told that I’m gay (after a few really LONG months of failure) to someone a lot more important for me – my brother. It was really hard admitting to him even though I was sure that he’ll be fine with it, and he was(Actually he reacted too well lol.. I thought and still do that he knew but when I asked him he denied). And even though he reacted so well and everything between us is as it used to be, there’s this little exception that he’s actually unusually too nice to me now. Which I find somewhat annoying.
So, after this I thought coming out to everybody else (excluding my parents, lol) that I care about will be more than easy but apparently it’s not and I’m not sure why. I’m currently thinking that I’m either afraid that they’ll tell me that they knew all along which will confirm my fears that people find me effeminate/effeminate acting or I’m afraid that even though I don’t think I’ll get any negative reactions, it’s still possible and if that happens there’s a high chance my parents find out about this and it will get messy.
Could be something else I’m missing. Or I just need to man up and end this shit already.
Oh, and to actually have a question in this not-so-short post, is it better to eventually tell them each individually or else?
Anyway, If you read all this I feel like I should apologize for wasting your time with all this, and if by any chance you have something to say, I’ll be happy to read it.
I love coming out stories. It’s like a lottery. One never knows what will happen. You might lose friends or strain relationships and it can be harrowing. So I always feel that if you are in a dependant relationship with anyone, choose your moment carefully, or even don’t tell them until you don’t depend on them. This is if you fear they may react badly. Also, bad reactions from friends might get back to your parents.
So the most important thing is that you are comfortable with it. That you choose the timing. That you are prepared for people’s questions, and even disbelief. And for people that you are close to, perhaps even have advice for them how they cope.
I say this particularly because you said you used to think of yourself as a sinner. If any of your friends or family are likely to have strong opinions about the moral “wrongness” of homosexuality, they may not be so happy. If they are largely excepting about gays, they might be surprised or a little disappointed or worried for you. You need to be prepared to answer questions like “Don’t you want kids?” “will you be lonely?” “Will you get AIDS?” “Will you join a boyband?” or whatever.
Good luck on your journey.
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